Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Halo Party Gone Wrong

boxshaman: r u on
space_samurai88: on ur mom
boxshaman: ok ill tell u what happened
space_samurai88: ok
boxshaman: alright like aweek in advance since my friends from rogersville had this week off for spring break i asked for today off so we could play halo i told gordon, robert (at least i thought so), and a couple other people we even had a guy bringing a hub
boxshaman: then
boxshaman: this morning i put the power and video cords in my backpack since they're such a bitch to mess with and took them to school i also hid the controllers and the games i wanted to bring with me i my hamper
boxshaman: then i got home
boxshaman: i replaced my books with the xbox and stuff (i was saying i was going to work on my homework while i was there) into my backpack and called robert so he could pick me up from mcdonald's with my uniform (clothes in the bag)
boxshaman: thats when everything went to shit
space_samurai88: lol
boxshaman: robert didnt know anything was happening today and he couldnt have that many people at his house the only other guy i called was in the middle of moving and couldnt have that many people at his house
space_samurai88: l
space_samurai88: o
space_samurai88: l
boxshaman: so then i told mom that i got work off to got to the 63 thing (i had givin up) she didnt believe that cuz i was had been on the phone so much so i told her the truth that i wanted to go play halo at a friends house the whole time and
boxshaman: she didnt believe me
space_samurai88: =))
boxshaman: she thought i had gotten work off just to play halo
space_samurai88: are you in trouble?
boxshaman: not really but i figured i better not tell her the whole truth because then ill probably be in trouble
space_samurai88: lol

Friday, February 10, 2006

Missing Scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

(Knight of Ni walking down path runs into Black Knight)

Knight of Ni: Greetings good sir, would you be so kind as to point me to the the nearest water closet (English slang for bathroom).

Black Knight: None shall pass.

Knight of Ni: How does even answer my question? What does that have to do with anything?

Black Knight: Well, obviously your going to have to move past me to get to the bathroom, so I was just letting you know if your expecting to get past me to get to the bathroom; THINK AGAIN!!!

Knight of Ni: For all I know the bathroom could be back the other way. So technically I might not have to get past you.

Black Knight: (Black Knight moves around to the other side of Knight of Ni) Yeah, that's right, now try to get past me to the bathroom. Yeah ya can't!! So I state again; NONE SHALL PASS!!
I didn't come up with that it's from Lord of the Rings where Gandalf is confronting the Balrog, or is it Balroc, I can't rightly recall.

Knight of Ni: What if it's in the direction you were blocking me originally. Didn't you just say it was in that direction (pointing forward). So now I can just go that way.

Black Knight: (Angrily) Confound you and your logic. I will not stand for this poppycock!! (Sits down).

Knight of Ni: And what in Poisedon's Trident does that accomplish? I mean seriously, surely you jest. If you don't stop I will have to use the sacred word!!

Black Knight: No, not that word!! I'll just simply plug my ears.

Knight of Ni: How the duece do you plan on doing that with helmet!!

Black Knight: If you do not stop this nonsensical filly-fally, (pauses to think) I will be forced to eat my head, I will!!!

Knight of Ni: What does this even have anything to do with our original conversation? Can we just start this conversation from scratch?

Black Knight: Sure, what do you want to know?

Knight of Ni: Can you tell me where I am? I seem to have become a bit disoriented.

Black Knight: Gladly, you are in the northwest quadrant of the Klondike Bar region.

Knight of Ni: Jolly good, say, you wouldn't happen to have a cough drop on you? I've got a bugger of a cough.

Black Knight: Most indeed I do, would you like Halls or Ricoli?

Knight of Ni: You have Ricoli! I love those! I'll have Halls.

Black Knight: Orange-flavored or cherry?

Knight of Ni: Haven't you got regular?

Black Knight: Sorry, just orange and cherry.

Knight of Ni: Very well I'll take the orange.

Black Knight: Here you are (hands him the coughdrop)

Knight of Ni: Well, toodles (rides off).

Questions Not Likely to be Found on the ACT/SAT

What would YOU do for a Klondike Bar?
a) Swim in a pool of sweat.
b) Drink the fat sucked out of a liposuction patient
c) Teach Hellen Keller to drive
d) Play Yatzee with a transvestite
e) Suck on a Poopsicle for an hour
f) Pee a marble
g) Lick the bugs off a 18-wheelers hot radiator

How many penguins can you fit in a phone booth?
a) The world may never know.
b) 20
c) One, when more than one penguin is located in a
confined space and they copulate rapily and explode.
d) Screw this I'm getting a Klondike Bar.

How many licks does is take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
a) 3
b) The world may never know
c) This is one screwed up test.
d) Chuck Norris
e) Is there even a set limit to the number answer to these questions?
f) (Only for Hellen Keller) GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
g) 10011100011110011010
h) Hickory-smoked butt-holes
i) Dr. Tran